"See, me and you, We're on different pages, We're in different stages, We've got different flavors, I'mma let you do your thing, Just as long as your thing, Ain't got a single thing to do with me and what I'm trying to bring"

it goes, atmosphere

CFL Impact

FINALLY! What I've been waiting for some tenacious and intelligent person to do!

Someone has put together a comprehensive guide to the negative impact of Compact Fluorescent Lightbulbs. It is an ongoing project, and it needs to be done. This comes as good news for me, while in the face of bad news.


DeStigmatizing Fibromyalgia

Even mentioning Fibromyalgia to some people turns them off.They have preconceived notions about the people with it. Perhaps you should consider the high prevalence of DOCTORS who are too lazy or uneducated to figure out what is actually wrong with a person so they diagnose as Fibromyalgia. The actual sufferers of this illness are not at fault for the mass misdiagnosis by this country's doctors who are worshiped as Godlike deities who are completely infallible.

FMS & Perfectionism

Sometimes I deny an offering of help from a friend simply because I know they won't do it the way I like it to be done, and that it isn't even worth the energy delegating them the task and feeling potential irritability toward them later. I might as well use that energy to just do it myself, and make sure it is done the way I like, thus avoiding my silly negative reaction. I would like to stress that this isn't really a regular thing with me anymore. I'm aware of these emotions and reactions, which helps in changing that behavior. I am getting better about accepting offers of help. And crimony do I appreciate them, which it is silly for me to be irritable that it isn't being done perfectly.

Even though while I am completing tasks, I am pleased that it is getting done correctly, it does take me longer to finish them. One of my issues is flu like symptoms after physical activity. I also have a problem with getting lightheaded which is worrisome because I don't want to hurt myself. If I am unable to complete a task due to illness, it nags at me, and stays upon my pile of to-dos until I feel healthy enough to finish. It nags at me while I'm ill.

So frequently with me there is this disconnect between my body and brain. If my body has been exhausted for days, my brain becomes bored and disinterested in the things I'm capable of doing to pass my time while sick. I become antsy to get up and move around, chores piling up that have been nagging at me since my previous flare weeks ago. More adds up, the pile gets bigger and bigger.

The nagging of chores gets to me so much that I will start trying to complete tasks before being completely over a flare which can just cause a terrible cycle.

Fibromyalgia Personality Test


I found this link from Facebook, which probably means it's attempting to sell me something. I'm not buying, but I did find it interesting. This site lists several traits which are common for people who have Fibromyalgia. I thought I'd go through and address each one. I was surprised at how many of them I actually struggle with.

1. Are you unable to delegate because you feel in order to get something done you must do it yourself since no one else can meet your standards?
This is a personality trait I have dealt with my entire life, even before I knew I had health problems. I always called it, "Getting it done right the first time." This is hard for someone with FMS because it is so difficult to accomplish tasks you have to learn to depend on others, and to trust that they are going to "get it right". I usually bite my tongue when something isn't done the way I'd have done it. Whether they "fucked it up" or not, I am always immensely appreciative that they helped me. Then there is a guilty feeling of, "Why do I have such high standards and expectations?"

2. We all forget things in this busy day and age. Do you frequently disappoint others by forgetting appointments and things you promised to do?
As I get older I'm noticing this happening more. Things said to me by my boyfriend regularly, "You don't remember that? You didn't see me standing there or hear me saying your name? We just talked about that.. Miss...! You haven't paid that yet?!" These are such a part of peoples' lives and routines, they don't even realize that it takes energy to complete them.

3. Everyone fails occasionally. Do you give up after one failed attempt to do something?
No. I keep trying until I get it right.

4. No matter your faith or belief, you have some sort of relationship with a higher power. Are you angry with God?

I am an atheist, and have never grown up with religion being a part of my life. I am not angry with something I do not believe exists. I am what I like to call a scientific spiritualist.

5. Do you think people do things specifically to you; that their actions were done knowingly and intentionally to upset you or hurt you?
Yes! I struggle with this constantly, and have always dealt with it. I'm so over analytical, it drives me crazy.

6. Are you more aware of what you can’t do rather than what you can do?
When one outweighs the other, it is hard to focus on the opposite.

7. Do you hold on to past hurts and grudges?
I do not hold grudges, but I do still feel hurt by things that happened in the past. This includes my past actions that I am hurt by.

8. Do you find yourself feeling obligated to solve others' problems even though you haven't been asked to do so?
I feel like my happiness is dependent on the happiness of others, which isn't healthy.

9. Do you put on a good front so that everyone thinks you are happy and agreeing with them, even if you aren’t?
I try.

10. Do you find yourself wanting to do even the smallest tasks to perfection?

Oh my god, yes. This is frustrating, because it keeps me from accomplishing tasks quickly.

11. Have you been told you are a type "A" personality?
I used to be.

12. Do you overcommit your time and feel guilty if you miss something?
I feel guilty if anything. Fill in the blank, and I feel guilty about it.

13. Do you seem to have a stronger than normal aversion to saying “no” to a request, to the point where you will agree to something while your inner voices are screaming “no” at you inside?
Over the past ten years of illness I have learned to not do this as much as I used to. Gotta think about me sometimes.

14. Do you feel you have to perform perfectly in order to be loved?

15. Do you often feel like you have little to no impact on others’ lives?

Yes. Feelings of worthlessness are a continued struggle.

16. Do you believe that there exists a fix for your problems, and if you just can find that fix, then your life will be great?
Absolutely not, I'm not deluded.

17. Do you struggle with making major, or even minor, life decisions, often to the point of never deciding or handing it over to someone else to decide for you?
I'm lucky enough to have a significant other who is on my some wavelength and can help me make decisions I'm happy with.

18. Do you avoid taking an action because you worry it won’t be the right choice?

19. Have you been told or do you think you like to control the outcome and the details of every situation, even down to how others’ perform a task?

20. Do you obsess about neatness and orderliness, to the point of losing sleep or resting hours in order to clean and straighten?
I can't do that.

21. Do you put everyone else’s needs before yours, even to the point of sacrificing your own?

22. Do you worry incessantly about friends and loved ones in your life and deny taking care of yourself in an effort to help them?

23. Do you have financial support from someone so you do not have to support yourself?
The government.

24. Do you have a strongly negative self-body image?
Pretty much.

25. Are you submissive to others’ wishes more than filling your own desires?

All the time.

Comments weren't working.

It had been brought to my attention that my comments weren't working for some systems previously, so I thought I'd shoot out a little message letting people know that they are now fixed, and I am ready for comments.

On another note, I'm nearly complete with the other half of that giant scarf I've been creating. Then I'm going to attempt blocking for the first time, and then I'm going to be damn proud of myself.

30 Things About My Invisible Illnesses You May Not Know

1. The illness I live with is: Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Hypermobility, Hypersensitivity
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: Various years, but I've been getting diagnosed since the age of 17.
3. But I had symptoms since: Age 8.
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Not working and learning my limits.
5. Most people assume: I'm dying.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: Chronic allergies, confusion from the medication I take before bed.
7. My favorite medical TV show is: Nurse Jackie
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: Does my Desktop computer count as a gadget? Because I've been attached at the hip with it for a long time.
9. The hardest part about nights are: Having to take a nighttime medication to help me get to sleep.
10. Each day I take 8 pills & 5 vitamins.
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: Can't afford to even think about it.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Visible - they get all the research and funding. People believe them!(!!!!)
13. Regarding working and career: I had a few plans, things I thought about the potential of, and I thought I could still do them and have these illnesses. I would go into remission, go to work, and get severely ill. This happened a few different times, until I just had to give it up.
14. People would be surprised to know: About my childhood.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: Chronic money problems, and the frustration that comes with your mental capacity being greater than physical.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Moved into a house.
17. The commercials about my illness: Are funny.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Spending time outdoors, (and indoors, haha.)
19. It was really hard to have to give up: Working.
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Container gardening.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Go to the lake.
22. My illness has taught me: Some stuff just isn't worth it.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: When asked about the scars all over my body, and I respond, "Lupus," their response is, "I didn't know Lupus could do that..." My internal response is, "You probably didn't know anything about Lupus in the first place."
24. But I love it when people: Try to be accommodating without being condescending.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: "I know it is rough, but be patient. Do not stress, remain positive. (PS Wear sunscreen indoors and out.)"
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: It never ends.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Brought me something yummy to eat or drink, because I'm too tired to cook for myself. Or cleaned some of my house for me.
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I want people to know about invisible illnesses. I want them to get the same attention and research and funding that a lot of well known diseases do.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Gratitude.

Find out more about National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week (Not until September!) http://www.invisibleillness.com

Miss' Planner

With my memory fading fast to medication side effects, age and fibro / lupus brain fog, I'm finding it more necessary to have a place for me to keep all of my thoughts, tasks, todos, ideas, calendars, medications, refills. Everything, in one book.

I've gone through and found several free printable charts I may or may not include in my 3 ring "Miss" binder. Has anybody else done something like this before? What kinds of printables or things did you include?

Charts and ideas will be discussed and added under the tag "Planner".

Jozie's Crocheted Scarf Hoody

It has been a little while, but when your body gets tired, your brain gets tired too.

I've been making some serious progress on the crocheted scarf hoody I've been working on, and I took a couple of photos to post. I'm using Caron Country yarn, which has quickly become my favorite line. Affordable, soft, comfy. it is a wool blend, and extremely soft.

These photos are clearly pre-blocking, so the shape isn't perfect. I spent a ridiculous amount of time creating the pattern to gradually increase from 4 inches in width to 10 inches in width, and 40 inches length. Make two pieces, and sew two sides together on the widest ends. I'm hoping to sell the pattern when I'm finished. It is certainly going to be comfy! Click for the higher res versions.

Seattle Adventure

The four or five hour car trip to Seattle was quite painless - at least there was no nausea, and that qualifies. We listened to tunes Sean added, including some Brian Jonestown Massacre warm-ups. I still hadn't felt the excitement for the show yet. There was a little bit there, but mostly to see Seattle again. Living so close, I've visited perhaps 10 times total. That city gives me a glorious sense of nostalgia, curiosity, excitement, and "new car smell". (Or perhaps new sea smell.) The air tastes different than in Spokane, more humid and vaguely of the sea. I realized coming back into Spokane that the air kind of tastes like a mixture between dust and pollen - mmm mm! I didn't take many photos,but the composition turned out right in a couple.
These are the kind of randomly captured shots I wish I had a better camera for. More birds, with a Seattle backdrop.
Our pals @ Beth's Cafe in Seattle. Me and the beau @ Beth's Cafe in Seattle.