FMS & Perfectionism

Sometimes I deny an offering of help from a friend simply because I know they won't do it the way I like it to be done, and that it isn't even worth the energy delegating them the task and feeling potential irritability toward them later. I might as well use that energy to just do it myself, and make sure it is done the way I like, thus avoiding my silly negative reaction. I would like to stress that this isn't really a regular thing with me anymore. I'm aware of these emotions and reactions, which helps in changing that behavior. I am getting better about accepting offers of help. And crimony do I appreciate them, which it is silly for me to be irritable that it isn't being done perfectly.

Even though while I am completing tasks, I am pleased that it is getting done correctly, it does take me longer to finish them. One of my issues is flu like symptoms after physical activity. I also have a problem with getting lightheaded which is worrisome because I don't want to hurt myself. If I am unable to complete a task due to illness, it nags at me, and stays upon my pile of to-dos until I feel healthy enough to finish. It nags at me while I'm ill.

So frequently with me there is this disconnect between my body and brain. If my body has been exhausted for days, my brain becomes bored and disinterested in the things I'm capable of doing to pass my time while sick. I become antsy to get up and move around, chores piling up that have been nagging at me since my previous flare weeks ago. More adds up, the pile gets bigger and bigger.

The nagging of chores gets to me so much that I will start trying to complete tasks before being completely over a flare which can just cause a terrible cycle.